Malcolm Weatherup Townsville Bulletin
Great tidings on this Christmas Eve.
A genius walks among us. Here in Townsville.

Like all geniuses, he has a difficult name, just like Einstein, Wittgenstein, Mooney, Reynolds... ahem, perhaps even Weatherup.
No, he's a real person, and his name is Ture Sjolander, who modestly omits the word genius from his self-description as a Townsville-based media artist and innovator.
Well, Ture, old son, you're all that and more, for you have cut through all the weasel words of self-serving, point-scoring political debate about Kissing Point, and shown some great lateral thinking.
The pic over there is just the start, with many stylish building also planned for down the slope behind Kissing Point including a new entertainment centre, museum and other innovative structures.
This old bird is so overcome with tears of joy (no,no, not mirth) that he suggest you gaze in shock and awe at this brilliantly simple solution at

But this is a less than perfect world, and like many of us, Ture is a somewhat flawed genius, because his brilliance is sidetracked by some glimmerings of commonsense and compassion for the armed forces.
He sees his twin towers (a most unfortunate concept for the purpose) as supplementing the accomodation at Lavarack Barracks, arguing that it was high time the military had the five-star bivouacs they deserve.
Understanding that the purity of his purpose will undoubtedly be diluted by pork-barreling politicians, this bird is going to get in first, and suggest how various interest can be met.
Just so Mike Reynolds doesn't get himself into moist turmoil, at least one of the tower blocks should be public housing.
Prince Peter of Lindsay, the Laird of Herbert, can have the other tower for his beloved boys in khaki, so he'll pipe down. For a while, anyhow. Maybe.
His Radiance and various councillors have a wide array of community interest to be satisfied, so instead of dopey parkland and open spaces for dogs to poop in, the Magpie recomends that there be a skateboard facility installed to satisfy the dork element, (open 24 hours a day, that'll keep'em off the streets) and the parade ground should double up as donut and burn-out site for Cr Fay Barker's favourite denizens, The Strand hoons.
There would surely be room for an archery range to cater for minority sporting interests.
To stay in touch with community attitudes towards public policy, politicians could take turns at removing the arrows and returning them to the archers as a humbling service of humility (and opportunity, heh, heh, heh).
This area could double up, on a rotational roster, as a small arms range for the army lads and lassies. You never know, after 105 years, those damned Ruskies might eventually find their way to this jewel of the South Pacific and try to overrun the original fortifications installed to repel them. Of course some unpatriotic NIMBYS will complain about the noise but bugger the whingers.
A golf driving range facing out into the water wouldn't take up too much room, the Greens might moan but any turtles choked by the splashing balls could be sold to local restaurants for soup, all proceeds to the North Queensland Conservation Council, so that's their interest looked after.
Now here's the twist which could see Townsville become a global destination for MENSA members (Dear Perplexed of Pimplico, MENSA is the organisation for high IQ clever dicks).
A politician enclave !!!!
Neat, eh? Here's how it works.When anyone is elected to any public office at any level of government, by law they will be required to live in some of those  low-density three-storey blocks on Cook St. First served, no choosing neighbours by party. Mooney next to Reynolds, the Hill household cheek by jowl with the Barker bunker, what fun. In this way, they would be well in touch, nay, even up close and personal, with community issues.

If this is becomes law across the State, the principle of living close to issues would be ideal in other communities, too.
And first cab of  the bloody rank would be Desley Boyle, required to live with her cuddly bat population in speciallyconstructed digs in Lissner Park, Charters Towers.
And made to sleep hanging upside down.
Some denizens of Charlie's Trousers probably would't care if she was hanging the other way up.
And a merry bah humbug to you all.

He forgot to mention Stravinsky  Igor Stravinsky